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39 of 39 found the following review helpful:
 Change your life -- for the better!Sep 05, 2000
As a young man coming out, my journey of self-discovery started with quiet months of reading. I read everything I could get my hands on about homosexuality and being gay. This book stands out as the single greatest influence during and since that time. The authors have taken a careful and thorough examination of the sociology and psychology of shame as it relates to being gay. The reading is thick, but worth the time to slowly wade through and internalize the material. I found myself saying, "Finally, someone who understands my whole mindset!" I began to change my thinking as I read it. Congratulations to the authors for writing a book so important to the lives of many.
29 of 29 found the following review helpful:
 A must read for anyone coming out of the closetMar 06, 1999
I read this book before giving it to a friend who was coming out because I wanted to make sure it took a position that was sufficiently pro-gay. Coming out is tough and I didn't want to give him a book that would make it any tougher. Not only was it positive enough to give him, but he thought it was one of the most helpful coming out books he read.What I didn't expect is that the book spoke to me as a heterosexual woman. It turns out that American culture doesn't limit its shame to gay men and lesbians. Women in general are trained to feel ashamed of normal, healthy, human sexuality. The authors show how shame becomes internalized, so that you don't need anyone else wagging their finger at you--you shame yourself for healthy, human feelings (about a lot more than sex!). This book will be helpful to people coming out of the closet and to most women. Also the authors' personal anecdotes are constructive, funny and helpful. A copy of this book belongs in every coming out gift basket.
26 of 26 found the following review helpful:
Essential ReadingJul 02, 2000
I'm not eloquent enough to tell you about why this book is so good or how it helped me so much, but I do want people who are reading the customer reviews for this book to know that this book made a HUGE and POSITIVE impact on my life--it really helped me combat my inner turmoil over self-esteem and coming/being out. Coming out is one of the hardest things I think any human being has to do--and there are a lot of emotional issues tied up into it, one being this guilt or shame of existing. ("I feel guilt/shameful that I'm gay.") Society burns this feeling into gay and lesbian people's brains. This book will help you repair some of that damage and find your true, whole self. I am so thankful to Drs. Kaufman and Raphael for writing this book--it is truly an important contribution to the literature about coming out and an honest-to-God lifesafer. I recommend this book with all my heart.
15 of 16 found the following review helpful:
Exellent Resource!Apr 20, 2001
By vanessa brown
Fro anyone who is struggling with coming out issues, or for anyone who has a gay or lesbian friend or family member this is an ESSENTIAL read. The book deals with the issue of shame that is tied to the coming out of many gay and lesbian people and offers help in getting rid of that shame. Written with compassion, this book gives the reader a sense of freedom and is a gret help in the coming-out process. Highly recommended!
10 of 10 found the following review helpful:
One of the best coming out books I've ever read.Oct 03, 2005
By Dandylioness
This was one of the first books I read when I first began exploring my own lesbianism, and it was THE book that made a difference for me at the time. Looking back on it several years later, there are some aspects of the book I find a little wishy-washy, but it's still a very good book. The writers display a tremendous amount of sensitivity to the myrad of ways shame can affect LGB people, including how it manifests itself in our romantic relationships. Also, even though the authors are gay men, I felt lesbians were adequately represented in the book. I highly recommend it to anyone in the process of coming out, or to straight people who want to sensitize themselves to the harm caused by homophobia.
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